Five years of waiting!

8th grade was when it started. He wasn't the first boy that I had fallen for, but he was my best friend. It was safe to say I loved everything about this young man. He always made me smile and he would do the job of cheering me up when I needed him to do so. I think it is safe to say that Dylan was my first "love". Over years and years of being best friends we eventually went on with our lives I still to this day have him in my life and I can call him whenever I want and he can do the same. 
Last night as I was cleaning out my room I came across a journal I had in my 8th grade year, this was the year that our friendship had started. When I flipped open to the first page this is what I read:
"But now to name one more Dylan! This boy is my everything. I would go to the moon and back for him. He is my best friend out of the boys, and I love him. I love him more than I should I know. But he loves me too! And did I mention how pretty he is? Indeed he is very pretty. I know I will always love him."
After laughing for about five minutes I reached for my phone. I had never told Dylan how I had felt about him, and I had never planned on it either. I was completely fine with taking it to my grave, but something came over me last night. Maybe it was just because I am a completely different person than I was then. I think it was actually because all this time I have realized that he can't hurt me, or that it wouldn't hurt me if he didn't like me in the same way. Because every time he told me about a new girl, or every time he picked his girlfriend over me it would kill me on the inside. Or at least that is  how it use to be. Five years waiting in silence... 
You can bet you bottom dollar I called him, I was worried a little that he wouldn't answer, but he did. And I told him everything I told him that I use to be madly head over heals in love with him when we were younger, and I read that entry to him. I left a line or to out because it would have been way to embarrassing! It was nice to talk to him again!
And now all is out in the open. He knows what I have always been to scared to tell him, and everything is right!


-Belle


P.S. He told me he loved me, but I believe it was more in a friend way. Which I love I could tell him all of that and still have my best friend!

Band of Horses

I'm coming up only to hold you under

I'm coming up only to show you wrong

And to know you is hard and we wonder

To know you all wrong, we were

Really too late to call, so we wait for

Morning to wake you; it's all we got

To know me as hardly golden

Is to know me all wrong, they were

At every occasion I'll be ready for a funeral

At every occasion once more is called a funeral

Every occasion I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion one brilliant day funeral

I'm coming up only to show you down for

I'm coming up only to show you wrong

To the outside, the dead leaves, they all blow (alive is very    poetic)

For'e (before) they died had trees to hang their hope

At every occasion I'll be ready for the funeral

At every occasion once more is called the funeral

At every occasion I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion one brilliant day funeral

Silly green lighter

I have been thinking about a whole buch of things lately. The main thaing is being in love.

I can honestly say as of right now I don't believe in it. I mean what is love? What is the differance between being in love and loving someone?  Being in love to me is being blinded to all the bad things about someone, turning the cheek and trying to ignore it. Hoping that you can be the change in that person.

That to me is not real.
That to me is living in a reality that doesn't exist.

The reason this has all been on my mind lately is because people go back in forth so much. And I find myself in the middle of it all with these people I barely know asking me what they should do. When all I want to say to them is "You should talk to someone who believes in love for one, then you need to figure it out for yourself. You already know what you want to do. It is that little feeling you have deep in your heart that is just scratching at you, but the chances are you are ignoring it like the way you ignore the bad things about him." That is what I want to say.

And further more on the topic. If you are "talking" to someone else, or you have a "side line" person, you are obviously not happy, and if you were then you wouldn't find the need to have someone else.

I am not being bitter about anything, I have had my share of side line guys, and when I had them I knew I wasn't happy with my relationship. He didn't treat me the way I thought he should. I couldn't tell him how I felt, and I'm pretty sure the only thing he saw in me was sex.

I guess this rant is just because I have no idea about anything. When a relationship ends you slowly start seeing all the flaws you were blinded to at the time. Then you begin to see someone for who they really were and all of a sudden thats not the person you fell "in love" with. It is someone completely different... Surprise surprise.

Fact of the day: All because of Florida and a silly green lighter.

-Belle