My pledge to myself

So tonight I found out I gained fifteen pounds ): so this is my pledge to myself I have to have to have to lose weight. I just had a baby but to me that's no excuse. I need to focus on this since I am out of work right now and not doing much of anything else

Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, 'cause nobody else will.

i once met this boy in my dreams...
he still visits me every now and then...
i have waited along time to meet him...
and in ways i'm still waiting...
but i did discover him...
and it is surprising how much hope this experience has filled me with.
it is okay to let go of everything now and to fully forgive all the wrongs that have been done to me because those wrongs have put us on the same page.


Here is to me for being happy for the first time in months!


-Bella

Mr Right

You want to know what I think about you Mr Right...

I want to give you a piece of my mind because I don't care! I really don't care anymore! Keep hiding from me! I wont eve bother looking for you anymore. Everytime I think I have found you, you go and break my heart and I am sick of it I am sick of feeling this way and I am sick of having emotions.

I know I am a girl and it is just part of being a girl, but I give. I really do I can't do it anymore. So instead of looking for you I am going to change the game. You start looking for me and we will see what happens.

But as of now I give...

-Bella

The moon will hold your secrets

At this point in time I am fighting back tears.

Tears of all shapes and sizes

Each one holding something just as heavy as the next

They come and go

and when they come it's without warning, and when they go it couldn't be soon enough

All you hear is the silence swarming around you

Causing your head to spin in all kinds of crazy directions

Each minute takes time to stretch out and make itself at home

Before they kindly move on about their day

Leaving you alone in the dark feeling emptier than before

Your heart is feeling heavy and weak

With each beat you find yourself trying to blend into the wall paper

But they see you, they barely know your name and wont stop grabbing for you

It is at this point you lose your faith in the world that surrounds you

and you just wish you could find that feeling you use to have

You long for the giddy butterflies that make everything seem alive

But they have abandoned you along with everyone else you ever cared for

It hurts to realize the truth, to see them for what they really were

and it breaks you down day after day

What is even sadder is you did this to yourself

At this point in time the tears are escaping and rushing out

It is pointless to fight, and you are wanting to give in to everything

You keep playing the horrid memories in your head, trying to get past them

but they have a hold on you...

You have let them change you

The moon will hold your secrets tonight as you shout them out to a world that refuses to listen

Thinking aloud

I feel like with every thing that happens right now it is making me long for my isolation even more... I know these people only care for me, but truth be told I don't feel as if I deserve it I want to hit my rock bottom. I feel like I have been so close to hitting it and someone always has to come save me just in the nick of time...

For once I want to fall.

I'm thankful for everyone in my life, but right not I don't feel like myself. Right now I feel lost and to be completely honest sort of thrilled....

What will be will be

-Chelsey

Invisible

I know it is a ridiculous want but I wish sometimes I could just blend in with everyone else. I just wish I wasn't so different. 


Of course there are always those times where you want to be noticed by a boy or something small and silly like that but, as of now I just wish the ones who have attached themselves to me would just give up. I feel like I am just  wreck. I know I have a lot of problems and I know that I am just beginning to realize how big those problems are.

If I were to be honest with you I would tell you it all

I would let you see me, and my walls would come crashing down

If you were the one I was suppose to be with then this would be easy

I wouldn't be questioning myself so much about you

I could drowned myself with the pain draining from you

This was all my fault to begin with, you never saw it coming

I only wanted a place to hide out from the worlds

It wasn't supposed to end this way, you were never suppose to fall

The ending to this story will never change

The boy will always deserve more

And the girl will always push him away

until the emptiness is all the remains

You thought I was the answer, you thought you had found the one

When you really found yourself playing my game

You thought you could figure me out, you thought you could win me over

When all I ever wanted was to be invisible

Everything we had has gone to shit 

You have a chance to get out, you have a chance to move on from this

Everything you want me to be i am not

You have no reason to stay and I would never ask you to

This isn't love it's just another what if story

Love and Happiness

-Belle

A hot sunny day!

As I sit here alone in my room pondering over what to write on this post, all I can really think about is... My day I spent in the park.

It was quite an odd/strange/weird/happy/risky type of day. It really caught me off  gaurd. I am happy to report though that I did learn how to long board, and I talked him into trying the dunhill ciggeretts... Which I had a feeling he would like... And what do you know, he did! Haha! See I told you it is about finding the joy in little things that keeps you smiling! =]

Anyway as our day continued to go on, I found myself highly interested in the stories he was telling me. At one point he started talking about life and his views on it... Then apologized for getting into something so deep, it's safe to say yesh I did laugh at that... because as most of you know I love conversations like that.

I'm not saying anything is going to happen with this boy... However today I took a shot in the dark and found myself hanging out witha really goofy boy, who made me laugh, and reminded me that what life is about. Life is about taking those crazy chances, living in the moment, your friendships with people, and just feeling the rush of freedom! This boy has taught me a lot, or just reminded me of forgotten things.

To all my readers I want to wish the the sweetest dreams! And I hope you all have a day in the park like I did today!

Fact of the day: I still remember the first boy I was in love with... It was first grade he was my valentine, his name was Max, and he had red hair... oh and yeah he was a Britain... No wonder I have a thing for the brits! te-he-he!

-Chel

P.S. Check out this AMAZING song! V.V Brown-Shark in the Water